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Its Not Worth It!

Traumatized as a child, now struggling to live with the painful memories as an adult… she desperately tries to rid herself of a painful past… hoping that it will go away forever… a few sips of this… a few sips of that… there’s no going back… it gives her wings and helps her to escape it all… she feels her wings helps her to be free… free from all the pain… all the scars… and all her hauntings… for that period of time she successfully escapes… no memories of trauma… and no pain and scars to prove it… she’s only living for that moment… as it begins to wear off, it all comes back… all her pain… scars… memories… and hauntings… they return to continuosly haunt her… it wasn’t a cure… once again she’s back to reality… happy juice brings happiness for the moment, but never there to stay… at the end of the day she just ends up feeling ashamed… you see its all the same, nothing has changed… its not worth it!






Why?

Physically here, but mentally where?… she took five steps forward to land twenty steps back… once again she begins putting on a act… feelings of being invisible arise… she questions, who am I?… searching for her lost self, she finds herself on dead end paths… the demon inside is getting harder to hide… with each day that goes by the chance of destruction rises… fear of self destruction intensifies her urge to run… her entire life is a lie, and its useless to question why…






Text Post Wed, Aug. 08, 2012 1 note

Storm

In a room where the walls are grey and outside the sun glistens bright… she goes thru the beautiful days as a dark storm… with one wind bringing the storm, she will do anything to avoid it… her heart beat brings the thunder… for every beat, the thunder sounds… her thoughts bring the lighting… for every thought, lighting strikes… the pain from the lighting creates hate in the heart and thunder that becomes louder with each beat… what’s a storm without rain… her tears bring the rain… the faster her heart beats, the more thoughts she thinks, the more tears she sheds… amounts to the dangerousness of the storm… the beautiful sunshine quickly fades away… she finds herself completely lost for that there was once a precious moment that has forever faded away… her world has turn so grey… and every day brings a storm that seems to stay…






Photo Post Fri, May. 04, 2012 41,080 notes

I am that girl on the left… lol

I am that girl on the left… lol

(Source: photographyandpictures, via tootieolive-deactivated20130905)





Free

Pain buried deep and thoughts that never sleep… always wanting to speak, yet denied by fears… not knowing what damage can be, the pain is buried deeper… she chokes at the thought that the day has arrived… is it all just a dream, someone pinch and wake her please!… the world as it is will know her pain… hear her weakness… and see her tears… she feels the urge to run yet her feet are glued to the ground… she screams out for help but no one hears… confusion of what it all means creates rage inside… only wanting to be free, but at what means?… she questions what will be the cost of her freedoom… why does she have to pay for freedoom, isn’t freedom free!?… America’s the motherland of the free… and she’s 100 percent American, but yet she isn’t F~R~E~E!…






Lost

Happiness that was once there has forever disappeared… killed at a young age, she walks around not knowing who she is… who is this girl who can’t even look at herself?… not knowing the meaning behind it builds rage… as she tries harder and harder to hold back her weakness, she finds that slowly its beginning to show… her mind is racing like cars on the race track… feelings of being less in control consume her… questioning if she has made the right choice, she prays to God for guidance in the direction to the process of healing… only wishing for the storm to finally be over, somehow she feels as if it has just begun… the pain that was buried alive is now back to haunt her… her fears and pain have camofluaged into one… as she closes her eyes she immediately reopens them, for that all she sees is danger… the demons are back and she doesn’t have the strength to fight them anymore… she now walks around in this world completly L~O~S~T!…






Tears, Screams, & Pain

Once there was laughter, now there’s silence… the happiness faded away while the darkness crept in… she walks through a brightness of sunshine, but yet a darkness of a shadow follows her…as she smiles on the outside, she screams in the inside for no on to hear, but herself… shedding tears in the inside for no one to see or know her pain, yet again, but herself… she fears for that one day when her body is full of tears, it on that day that her volcano will finally erupt… when you look into her eyes, you see an entirely different person than she sees looking at her in the mirror… you don’t hear her screams, nor see her tears… when she looks at that girl she sees the tears falling from her eyes, and she hears her screams begging for someone to save her… save her from the uninvited pain… save her from all her demons including herself… save her from this cold, cruel world… someone please just save her from the war that she desperately wants to end… begging for someone to see her TEARS, hear her SCREAMS, and understand her PAIN!…






Demon!

Everything around her is silenced… yet her thoughts are louder than sirens… fear of its destruction, its buried deep within… born as a blessing of God… but surrounded by the devil’s people… she was tortured by many and loved by hardly any… growing out of her nightmares… she struggles find closure from what used to be… her pain is nothing less than anger… knowing her future will be something quite amazing… she finds happiness in what will be… but for the time being she continues to fights to learn how to become free… her body is filled with hate… on her hands and knees praying to God every day and night… she asks for the strength to release the damage little girl that nobody sees… forced to come to terms with the real demon… she realizes all along its herself who she’s fighting to be free… she, herself is the true D~E~M~O~N!…






Slave Of The Mind!

Screams and cries went unheard, now there is only silence… running from all the bad was becoming exhausting…. now she fears, not knowing the difference between the good and the bad, that they’re all becoming one… lighting fire to the ignition, running is more than just a habit… as her insecurities start to become unsecured and visible to the world, she begins to feel weak… running faster than she ever has… fighting to hold onto her strength, is her high… running away has become her escape drug, one she’s addicted to… searching to find who she is… she finds herself back at step one… feelings of rage consumes her… she fears that the damaged little girl inside her will never leave her… her mind being the master and she is the slave… she questions what’s this thing called freedom?… she tries to escape only to be beaten back inside every time… now she’s  begun to realize that the damage little girl is the only one, who has always been true to her… who is this girl who may not want to obtain freedom?… breaking free is becoming a forgotten thought, as the idea of freedom fades away… without a worry, a blink of her eyes, a tear down her cheek, a word to be said, or a fight… she is ready to surrender the battle and fully accept what she’s destined to be… a slave of the mind is whom she may always be…






Completely Stuck!

Noise surrounds her but she’s completely covered in silence… slowly but surely fading into nothing she fights to hold on to whom she is as an individual… searching but never finding answers, she constantly finds herself filled with disappointment, hatred, and rage… never understanding her predicament she continues to search wildly for answers she knows that will never come… cowardly she walks around with her head held low… for she fears that E V E R Y O N E will see her scars… constantly trying to hide her scars she portrays a show fooling everyone around her and sometimes herself… always putting others before herself, she is constantly crying in the inside from the pain and smiling on the outside, making it invisible… who is this girl who cant seem to obtain freedom… always looking over her shoulder to make sure her insecurities are well secured within her mind… her mind being a jail cell that she tries to escape, but with no success… she searches for the right words to be free… damn is this the real me?… breaking free is the only thing on her mind… but then again she is devoured by her unknown emotions that seem to be buried deep within her… and fears she is completely S~T~U~C~K!!…





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